Emotional intelligence could be the secret of long-term intimate relationships, mainly because it makes us highly aware of the changes — big and small — that occur in ourselves and others on a regular basis. It involves the ability to appreciate and accept your own emotions and handle them in ways that improve relationships with others.
Have you ever had a huge fight with your partner that left you wondering how a small issue blew up into something so big afterwards? Have you ever made a hasty decision while angry, afraid, or annoyed, and then regretted it later? These are just some examples of low or inadequate emotional intelligence.
By developing your emotional intelligence, you acquire sympathy and sensitivity that most people usually want in a partner. You will be able to sense, through being attentive and empathetic, the little changes in the dynamics of your relationships which signal a need for specific actions before they become problems.
Every man has the potential to both get and give the kind of love he/she is dreaming of — heartfelt intimacy, true companionship, reciprocal kindness and genuine commitment — due to our capability to share emotional experience. If we want to reach the maximum potential of our relationship we need the mastery of a high EI: strong emotional awareness to prevent confusing infatuation or passion with long-lasting love; agreeing to experience potentially harmful emotions if untended; and an attentive awareness to evaluate what’s (not) working.
Once you get over your fear of change, you figure out that different does not automatically mean worse. Relationships are alive, which means they grow and change on a daily basis. Growth and change are inevitable, so make sure to steer toward the kind of growth you want and need, or it will otherwise drift into change of a different kind — possibly one you don’t want.
Ask yourself, does your partner need something different from you? Are you still as happy as you once were? Without emotional intelligence, some questions are too scary to face and often ignored until it is too late.
Our discoveries about the person we love will not always leave us happy, but it is necessary to accept all of the emotions they might offer. Being in a successful relationship doesn’t mean that you will never feel mad, disappointed, wounded or jealous. How you deal with your emotions is up to you, but it is very important that you let yourself experience them all.
Numerous relationships have been destroyed by criticism and blame, and many couples failed to experience deep intimacy due to shame. If you are willing to work on increasing your EI, you’ll end up experiencing some good and some bad emotions, but will be able to get on with your life together nevertheless.
(1) “Emotional Intelligence in Love and Relationships.” HelpGuide.org, 16 Jan. 2020, www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-love-relationships.htm.
