Understanding Grief
Grief is a natural emotional response to loss. It is often associated with the death of a loved one, but grief can occur after any major life event that results in loss, such as the end of a relationship, losing a job, or experiencing a significant life change.
The American Psychological Association defines grief as an emotional process that involves a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief.
Grief manifests in many ways, which can include:
- Feelings of deep sadness or emotional pain,
- Fatigue or exhaustion,
- Difficulty concentrating, and
- Physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches.
It’s More Than Just Feeling Sad
Grief is the intense sorrow we feel when something important is taken away from us. But it’s more complex than just sadness – it can manifest in a variety of emotions and physical reactions. You might feel:
- Shock or disbelief when the loss first happens.
- Anger at the situation, yourself, or others.
- Confusion or inability to focus on everyday tasks.
- Guilt about things you said or didn’t say, or actions you wish you had taken.
- Numbness, where it feels like you can’t feel anything at all.
Grief often doesn’t follow a clear or predictable path. You might feel one emotion strongly one day, and something completely different the next. There’s no “right” way to feel or act when you’re grieving, and understanding this can help you better navigate your emotions without adding unnecessary pressure on yourself.
The process is deeply personal and unique to each individual, influenced by factors such as:
- personality,
- cultural background, and
- the nature of the loss.
According to the American Psychological Association, grief is a normal, healthy response to loss and can trigger a wide range of emotions. While grief can be incredibly painful, it is also a critical part of the healing process. It allows individuals to process the reality of their loss, make sense of their emotions, and eventually find a way to move forward in life without the person or thing they have lost.

Grief isn’t a straight line from pain to healing. You might feel fine one day, and then suddenly, a small reminder – like a song, a scent, or a place – can bring all the emotions rushing back. These emotional swings can be exhausting and confusing, making it feel like you’re not making progress. But this roller coaster effect is completely normal.
It’s important to let yourself experience these emotions fully, even if they don’t make sense or if you feel like you should be “better” by now. Suppressing your feelings can prolong the grieving process, so permit yourself to grieve in whatever way it comes.
The Stages of Grief
One of the most well-known frameworks for understanding grief comes from Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who proposed the five stages of grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. These stages are not a strict path – some people may experience all of them, some may skip stages, and others might revisit them multiple times.
These stages are:
- Denial: This is often the initial response to loss, characterized by disbelief and shock. People in this stage may feel numb or unable to accept the reality of the situation.
- Anger: As denial fades, anger may emerge. Individuals might direct their anger at themselves, others, or even the deceased, feeling that the loss is unfair or unjust.
- Bargaining: This stage involves making hypothetical deals or promises in an attempt to reverse or reduce the loss. People might say things like, “If only I had done X, they would still be here,” or, “I promise to be a better person if I can just have them back.”
- Depression: At this stage, the emotional weight of the loss sets in. Deep sadness, hopelessness, and feelings of isolation are common, and people may feel overwhelmed by the finality of the situation.
- Acceptance: The final stage involves coming to terms with the loss. Acceptance does not mean being “okay” with what has happened, but rather reaching a point where the individual can begin to live with the reality of the loss and start to rebuild their life.
It is important to note that these stages are not linear. People can experience them in any order, move back and forth between stages, or even skip stages altogether. The Kübler-Ross model is a helpful framework for understanding the emotions people may experience during grief, but it is by no means prescriptive.

The Impact of Grief on Mental Health
Grief can have a profound impact on mental health, often intertwining with conditions such as depression, anxiety, and stress. Studies suggest that unresolved grief can lead to more serious mental health challenges over time. Prolonged grief disorder, for instance, is a condition where individuals remain stuck in the grieving process, leading to persistent and intense grief that interferes with daily life. Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder can include:
- Persistent yearning or longing for the deceased,
- Difficulty accepting the loss,
- Emotional numbness, and
- Detachment from others.
Grief can also worsen symptoms of existing mental health conditions. People who have experienced loss may find it harder to cope with everyday stressors, which can result in difficulty functioning at work, in relationships, or socially.
Physical Effects of Grief
Grief doesn’t just affect emotional well-being but can also take a toll on physical health. The body’s response to grief can result in several physical symptoms, such as:
- Fatigue,
- Sleep disturbances,
- Changes in appetite,
- Headaches or muscle tension, and
- A weakened immune system, making the person more susceptible to illness.
Moreover, the intense stress that accompanies grief can increase the risk of heart problems, high blood pressure, and other stress-related health conditions. Your body is reacting to the emotional strain of the loss, and it’s crucial to take care of yourself physically during this time. Listen to your body, try to get enough sleep, eat nourishing food, and move gently when you can.
Grief Has No Timeline
There’s no “normal” amount of time to grieve. Some people start to feel better after a few months, while others may take years. It’s important to honor your own pace and not feel pressured to move on faster because of societal expectations. Everyone’s grief journey is different, and that’s okay.
Grief is not something you “get over,” but rather something you learn to live with. Over time, the intensity of the pain will likely fade, but the memory of what you lost remains. Allow yourself the time you need to heal, without comparing yourself to others.

Complicated Grief
For many people, grief gradually becomes more manageable over time. The intensity of the emotions may lessen, and while the sadness may never fully disappear, individuals learn to cope with their loss. However, for about 15% of bereaved individuals, grief becomes prolonged and debilitating. This is known as complicated grief (also referred to as prolonged grief disorder).
Complicated grief is characterized by persistent and intense feelings of sorrow, yearning, or emotional numbness that do not ease with time. Individuals experiencing complicated grief may also display symptoms of major depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These symptoms can interfere with daily life, making it difficult to function at work, maintain relationships, or engage in regular activities.
Symptoms of complicated grief include:
- Ongoing longing or yearning for the deceased,
- Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss,
- Persistent intrusive thoughts about the deceased,
- Avoiding reminders of the loss, and
- Intense anger or bitterness related to the death.
Complicated grief often requires professional intervention. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for those experiencing complicated grief, helping individuals process their emotions, challenge unhelpful thoughts, and develop coping strategies for moving forward.

Seeking Help
Deciding when to begin grief therapy is a personal decision that depends on several factors, including the intensity of the emotions, the individual’s ability to cope, and the presence of complicating factors such as depression or anxiety.
For many individuals, the first few weeks or months after a loss are spent in a state of shock or disbelief. During this time, structured therapy may not be as effective, as individuals may need time to process their emotions privately. However, as the grieving process continues, therapy can offer valuable support in helping individuals cope with the emotional distress and unhelpful avoidance patterns that can emerge.
In cases of complicated or chronic grief, earlier intervention may be necessary. Therapy can help prevent the development of more serious psychological issues, such as depression or PTSD, and provide individuals with the tools they need to navigate their grief healthily.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Grief
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an evidence-based psychological treatment that has been widely used for a range of emotional and behavioral problems, including grief and bereavement. CBT focuses on the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, helping individuals to identify and challenge negative thought patterns that may be contributing to their emotional distress.
In the context of grief, CBT can be particularly useful for:
- Challenging unhelpful beliefs: People grieving a loss may experience feelings of guilt, blame, or helplessness. CBT helps individuals recognize and challenge these thoughts, replacing them with more realistic and constructive beliefs.
- Breaking avoidance patterns: Many individuals who are grieving may avoid situations, people, or places that remind them of their loss. CBT encourages gradual exposure to these triggers, allowing individuals to face their grief and begin to process it more fully.
- Managing intense emotions: Grief can be accompanied by overwhelming emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety. CBT provides tools for managing these emotions, such as relaxation techniques, mindfulness, and stress management strategies.
- Promoting problem-solving: Grief can make everyday tasks and decisions feel overwhelming. CBT teaches problem-solving skills that can help individuals regain a sense of control and agency in their lives.
One of the key components of CBT is helping individuals to reframe their thinking. For example, a person who is grieving might think, “I’ll never be happy again without this person,” which can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness. CBT would encourage the individual to challenge this belief by recognizing that, while life will be different without the loved one, it is still possible to find moments of joy and meaning.
Research shows that CBT is particularly effective for individuals experiencing complicated or prolonged grief. Studies have demonstrated that individuals undergoing CBT for grief report significant improvements in their mood, reduction in symptoms of depression and anxiety, and greater resilience in coping with the loss.
One study followed up with 51 patients, 1.5 years after they received integrative cognitive behavioral therapy (PG-CBT) for prolonged grief disorder. Results showed that the treatment’s effectiveness persisted over time, with large effect sizes for grief symptom reduction and maintained overall mental health improvements. 80% of the original participants were reached for follow-up, confirming the long-term efficacy of PG-CBT in treating prolonged grief.

The Importance of Time and Patience
Grief is not a linear process, and there is no set timeline for “moving on.” Some people may feel better after a few weeks or months, while others may grieve for years. What’s important is to allow yourself time and space to grieve in your way, without comparing yourself to others. Healing from grief is a gradual process, and it’s crucial to be patient and kind to yourself during this journey.
Over time, the intensity of grief may lessen, and while the loss may never fully disappear, many find ways to integrate it into their lives, often finding new meaning and purpose as they move forward.
Grief doesn’t disappear, but it evolves. As time goes on, the sharp pain will likely soften into a more manageable presence. You’ll find ways to incorporate your loss into your life without it overwhelming your every day. This doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten or moved on; it simply means that you’ve learned how to live with the loss.
Moving forward doesn’t mean letting go – it means finding new ways to hold on to the memory of what you lost while allowing yourself to experience joy and fulfillment again. Grief becomes part of your story.
Supporting Others Through Grief – What to Say (and Not Say)
If you’re trying to support someone who is grieving, the most important thing you can do is be present. Often, people don’t need advice, they just need someone to listen. Here’s how you can help:
- Be available: Sometimes, just being there physically or virtually can provide great comfort. Offer to spend time with them, even if it’s just sitting in silence.
- Avoid clichés: Statements like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive of their pain. Instead, say something simple like, “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you.”
- Respect their process: Don’t push someone to “move on” or “cheer up” before they’re ready. Let them grieve in their own time and way.
Remember, grief can make people feel isolated, so your willingness to stay present through their ups and downs is invaluable.
Grief is a reflection of love and the bonds we share with people, places, and experiences. It can be overwhelming, confusing, and deeply painful, but it’s also a reminder of what was important to us.
Healing from grief is not about forgetting or moving on, it’s about learning to carry your loss in a way that allows you to continue living a full life.

How the Sintelly App Can Help
The Sintelly app offers a supportive and practical approach to help individuals navigate the grieving process, providing tools like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) exercises, mindfulness practices, and real-time emotional support.
Grief can be unpredictable, with feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion arising unexpectedly. The chatbot provides a safe space to talk through these emotions, offering compassionate responses and helpful coping strategies during times of need.
For example, if a user is feeling particularly low or isolated, the chatbot can provide comforting words, suggest mindfulness techniques, or offer CBT-based exercises to help them process their feelings.
The Sintelly app provides CBT exercises designed to help users healthily process these emotions. For example, users might work through exercises that encourage them to confront and reframe irrational thoughts, such as guilt or regret, while helping them manage the feelings of loss without being consumed by them.
CBT can also guide individuals to recognize unhealthy thought patterns, such as thinking they will never be happy again, and gradually shift their mindset toward healing. These exercises help users find meaning and acceptance as they move through the stages of grief.
The emotional intensity of grief can be exhausting. The Sintelly app includes mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, guided meditations, and progressive muscle relaxation, which can help users find moments of peace and calm.
The Sintelly app also allows users to track their emotional journey as they work through their grief. By logging their feelings and behaviors, users can reflect on how their emotions fluctuate over time. This feature helps individuals recognize progress, even when it feels small, and encourages them to continue working through their grief at their own pace. The visual progress charts serve as a gentle reminder that healing is gradual but achievable.